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(This post was written on the date posted)March 30,2024"My Treason"My allegiance, my life, belongs to to God. Although the love and the spiritual feelings that I have recieved from Him is like non other.There is a treason in the wind. Is it me vs me? Is it me vs my feelings? Is it me vs my inner me which is my enemy? I have this gut wrenching emotion that I'm at war with myself.....in this matrix by my self...in this world trying to understand me BY MY SELF!"Lord, I know you're there...show me a sign...I refuse to believe you're quiet when you always talking...you always have something to deliver..something to say."&nbsp; Lord, I feel as though my treason is the definition of the betrayal of me...I should have trusted what you gave me....In many circumstances, I see that the enemy was my inner me.I'm beyond asking YOU "how can this be." I'm at a point to where I access it, learn from it, and move on to surpass it. I'm glad that I didnt do what I seen in my dreams because killing myself means that they won...a form of a evil entity victory. However there's no come back when you give the devil a UNO REVERSE!

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(This is backdated to when it was originally written)March 28,2024**The Beauty of it**Life itself makes you think.....sometimes without a blink, life changes...within rearranges made, part of your life that was gave to the cause of losing yourself in love and having that reciprocated in the form of a dove from death... afterwards of the feeling that I had nothing left but a sign or a symbol.... my inner me screaming "its time to leave" but the crazy me still trying to cleave to what and who I believed that belonged to me.&nbsp; Unfortunately, to imagine a situation that i thought "nah, it couldnt be"...the inner me saying "dang, can't you see? You been had all of your warnings!"BUT the beauty of it is, although I could have died in the process of, been crazy in the midst of, still been screaming in the moment of, God says "she's safe"..."She just needs to come so she can see that all that she needs is me."

July 25, 2024&nbsp;A letter from me to you..&nbsp;I want to be transparent and tell you that I'm definately not perfect. Prior to reading my bloging, I prefer to call them my memoirs of my emotions coming to life. No one knows my mind but yet some feel as though they can tell me about me. Prior to reading any thing about me, be patient, i'm forever under construction..a work in progress. God has me just as well as i'm holding on to Him super tight.&nbsp;"Only those that truly care about you, can hear you when you're quiet." Looking back on a "situation" that I was in, all my emotions fell on deaf ears to a person that was never there...a facade of a human being that was made up by a mental world that I created made up of love, joy, unicorns and rainbows. Unfortunate for me it was turned into a demonic nightmare of a mental jail matrix full of endless screaming and crying out asking for help. The hardest pill to swallow is the fact that mirroring is a real thing, trauma is a real thing that some people never have learned to deal with. DISFUNCTION is an unfortunate thing&nbsp; that some people have gotten used to being locked in. Thank God it's time to learn how we can unlearn unhealthy things that we never deserved to inherit in the first place."Allow a person to do what they want to do; that way you can see what they would rather be doing." At times, we choose not to pay attention to what a person has been screaming at you the whole time. I made a choice to stop chasing a relationship, friends, family, etc....tired of running. I have started my model strut on knowing my worth. Self love is the best love..